Smart snacks
Think density. Bring a bag of crisps and you’re wasting precious packing inches on empty air; go Hobnobs and you’re maximising every millimetre with solid chocolatey-biscuity satisfaction. (And don’t be tempted to bring celery from home just because it’s the last thing left in the fridge and you can’t bear to throw it away. No one’s. Going. To eat it.)
Two-ply
Just a few sheets (folded not rolled, natch). If you’re stuck at the airport long enough to need a No. 2, your bottom won’t thank you for inflicting that scrappy standard-issue public-lavvy stuff on it.
Pump-action pillow
Those wraparound memory-foam travel pillows? Half your hand baggage allowance gone in one. Try an inflatable instead: the AirComfy works like a dream, and its press-button pump saves you turning purple when it’s time to blow it up. Makes even a departure-gate bench comfortable…
Sleep kit
Not just for nodding off inflight. Earplugs will block out the noise of kids on Candy Crush; eyemasks will act like a horse’s blinkers if you find yourself tempted by the giant-Toblerone counter at Duty Free; and the right herbal sleepy pills take the edge off even the most anxious wait to see if your plane is going to take off or not. These, this and these are all excellent. Plus, this guarantees a worry-free surface on which to lean said head, and a coiffed and conditioned arrival to boot.
Bribes
Not that kind; these are for your kids. Doesn’t matter what kind of cheap plastic tat or tartrazine-fuelled gutrot you give ’em: the important thing is that you ration it out no quicker than one new thing every hour or two. (Woe betide the parent who throws the kitchen sink at the kids when boarding gets put back an hour… then finds it happens three more times.)
Refillable water bottle – and the wherewithal to refill it
Don’t even bother asking at Pret A Manger; they’ll tell you they can’t. Take a look at wateratairports.com, though, and you’ll find a worldwide treasure-map of tap-water dispensers, from Teeside to Tehran.
Your rights – written out
It’s not enough to know them; you need to be able to show them to the tabard-wearing tyrant behind the desk. For this, you want it all printed out from an authoritative and trusted source – here’s something to get you started.
Book (but not that one)
You might have enough time on your hands to get through War and Peace, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to. Leave the tome you’re trying to read in your hold luggage; keep the easy trashy one you actually want to read close by. They’re called airport novels for a reason.
Masks (and only masks)
No other clothing allowed. With carry-on space at a premium, this is a good time to ‘wear your baggage allowance’ – you may resemble the Michelin Man under all those jumpers and coats, but it’s worth it. The only exception to the rule is if you’re travelling with puke-prone infants, in which case…
Spare clothes for everyone
When baby boaks, whoever’s holding him or her gets a shirtful too.
Uno
The only card game that’s: a) so simple you can still play it when your brain has been anaesthetised by a 4.15am wake-up call; and b) has enough of a vicious streak in it to keep all age groups interested over a whole day’s play (‘And that’s revenge for making me draw four cards six hours ago. Suck it, grandson!’).
The Lanyard of Power
Strictly for emergency use only – but if you’re stuck at the back of the line and about to miss your flight, wave your workplace lanyard at the folks queuing in front of you (of course they won’t check to see where it’s from) and stride confidently past them. Wrong but effective.
A tangle of tech
Charging cables, headphone leads, power pack wires, earphone splitters, spare batteries – and, crucially, plug adapters. Because you know you’ve got to go through this whole horrible Hellscape again in a foreign airport for your flight back home, right…?
