Yeesh. Tell us how you really feel.
Visitors to Texas’ top spring break destinations have left some brutal one-star reviews. One Google reviewer said that a Vienna sausage was more beachy than Galveston Island. Another on TripAdvisor complained that the Comal River was too crowded, “like a diabetic artery.” Another complained of “fecal matter” on a Corpus Christi beach.
On ExpressNews.com: What San Antonio’s least impressed visitors had to say about the Alamo and other major attractions
With droves of spring breakers headed to Texas beaches and waterways, we were curious to see what the most critical travelers had to say about Texas’ top spots.
The following one-star reviews on Google and TripAdvisor have been edited for length but not spelling or punctuation to preserve their authenticity.
Padre Island National Seashore and South Padre Island
“Beach is a beach.”
South Padre Island beach in Texas.
“If I was a big drinker and willing to risk it… the bars were pumping all weekend with a crap ton of people at them. If you like that kind of stuff, then you’ll probably enjoy yourself.”
“Jellyfish and tumbleweeds.”
“Vienna sausage is more ‘beachy’ than this place.”
Eleven-year-old Juliet runs with her seven-month-old labradoodle puppy through the fog blanketing the beach, Thursday, Dec. 30, 2021, on Galveston Island.
Mark Mulligan/Staff photographer
“Too much sand.”
“There is a line of oil takers as far as the eye can see. However, the hum of the engines as the tankers pulled in was kinda peaceful in a train station depot sorta way.”
“Got stuck in the sand.”
An oil tanker sits offshore between Galveston Bay and the Gulf of Mexico where people fish and enjoy the beach, Friday, May 15, 2020, on the east end of Galveston Island.
Mark Mulligan/Staff photographer
J.P. Luby Surf Park
“What does the $12 parking fee give you anymore? Nothing.”
“Got out of water and felt sticky. Not nice at all.”
“There was fecal matter on the beach.”
“The current was so strong it took our sandals.”
“It’s not fun to go unless you are easily entertained and like beaches because they’re beaches. The sand is coarse, irritating, and it gets everywhere. This wouldn’t be bad if the water was nice, but it’s not. It’s brown. Something slimy is bound to touch you every time you go in.”
People stroll the Port Aransas beach, enjoying the day despite the lack of sun.
Maria Luisa Cesar/San Antonio Express-News
“They had too much flags that ruined the whole experience. I had a terrible time.”
“Full of trash and green slime and the seawater made us itchy. The ocean was not blue but a dirty brown. I’m from Australia and I’ve never seen anything like this. And there was not any shade anywhere and you couldn’t walk to a café to get a cold drink or a coffee. It was so commercial in the worst way.”
Boca Chica State Park
“Elon Musk has ruined the entire area. Drove all the way out there for nothing. Heartbreaking.”
“Make sure you go to the right boca chica beach, google maps took me to boca chica “state park” by boca chica and lbj blvd and its not it. Its a deserted beach, very dry, no waves or people. Literally no one around. and ended up getting stuck, even though i have a 4×4. Paid 345 dlls to be towed out.”
“It’s a giant nasty lake but for some reason the locals love it.”
“The memories made here are the heart and soul of the lake and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but the dirty water, muggy weather and often louder-in-many-ways lake users knock off a few stars.”
Lake Texoma in North Texas, at 426-acre Eisenhower State Park, near the 6-acre Eisenhower Birthplace State Historic Site.
Texas Parks and Wildlife Departm
“Will not be going back. I had a water bottle full for me to drink and i got a citation and my water taken away. I wasn’t aware of the rules because honestly it’s a river not a school. I just wanted to relax and have a good time! For everyone who is thinking of going read the rules!! Because these stupid cops are watching everything!!
“River was crowded like a diabetic artery.”
“The lifeguards aren’t there to save your life, they are there to steal your belongings that come out of your tube.”
San Marcos River
“I had heard that it was beautiful, but all I saw was trash and litter. People don’t pick up after their dogs…or their kids. I’ll be going to a different river next time.”
Tubers float the San Marcos River while attending Float Fest held at Cool River Ranch Sunday July 17, 2016 in Martindale, Tx.
Edward A. Ornelas/San Antonio Express-News
“Wow – we took a trip on the river renting Lions Club tubes this Saturday morning. I really couldn’t tell whether I was in da Club in the ‘hood or on the San Marcos river!!! Between the packed,crowded river, cigarette smoke, beer and liquor, and extremely loud “MF” this and “MF” that every two seconds – FAMILIES, OR FOLKS WHO WANT A NICE OUTING TO ENJOY NATURE – STAY AWAY, STAY FAR AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“My daughter and her boyfriend went with snacks and water and the police took that away from them so I will go there anymore.”
“It was ok.”
Tubers launch into the Guadalupe River at a public access site off Texas FM 308 in Canyon Lake, Texas, Tuesday, June 30, 2020.
Jerry Lara/San Antonio Express-News
“Not too many fish water is way too low.”